God is the Real MVP

Happy Friday Y'all!

As a way to slowly become a more active North Carolina resident, I have recently begun joining my cousin to her church and young pro events. At first, this experience was more of a culture shock than moving across the country. All of these young adults were offering their whole hearts to God, and while I found this to be inspiring, I felt so out of place. I remember the first time I saw a girl raise her hands in praise during a song; it truly sent a shiver down my spine as I thought I could never, ever do that - the thought of being so charismatic was completely intimidating.

I have attended Catholic school my entire life, so the discussion of God and faith was a rather regular occurrence. I was Baptized, had my First Communion and continued on to become Confirmed. I served as an altar server for 9 years, and then served as a Eucharistic Minister after Confirmation. I loved going to Catholic mass; the routine was the same every mass: we sang the same songs, recited the same prayers, went through the same motions, and every time I received the Eucharist, I felt complete again. As you can tell, I attended a very TRADITIONAL Catholic Church, so when I saw that girl raising up her arms, feeling the Spirit moving within her, I about had a heart attack. Catholics don't do that!! You get ready nice and early, put on your best Sunday dress, and then sit their quietly for an hour, only moving when it was time to stand, sit, kneel, and walk to Communion. After mass, you would say hello to your fellow Catholic school mates, get a donut and head home. No where in there were people getting up in the aisle dancing to the tune of Jesus! 

After the initial culture shock of experiencing a true Southern God - loving experience, I began to feel my faith was lacking compared to these believers. Why was I not feeling compelled by God to get up in the aisle and sing for him? Were God and I not as close as I had thought my entire life? I attended Church, did community service, went on Kairos (LT4), and even attended Catholic college...How could God and I not be close after all of that! 

I have been in North Carolina since the middle of July, so I have been experiencing about three months of doubt in my relationship with God. While I felt completely inadequate and undeserving of His love, I continued to reach out to Him, praying that one day I can feel His presence like my peers can. Thursday night is Young Pros night at Summit Church, even though I still felt uneasy, I forced myself to go. For the first time, I could feel the music a little stronger and was truly singing from the heart. I was finally feeling the connection I wanted with God and while it was truly exhilarating, it was very familiar. I realized last night that I was more concerned on comparing my relationship to what I thought it was supposed to be like, rather than focusing on what God was actually trying to tell me. I focused on my feelings - NOT on Him. God never loved me any less because I wasn't singing loud enough or dancing at Church. God loves me just the way I am and I need to remember that - like the title says: God is the real MVP!

I hope that y'all have a wonderful weekend and remember that God loves you!

- Michele