God is the Real MVP

Happy Friday Y'all!

As a way to slowly become a more active North Carolina resident, I have recently begun joining my cousin to her church and young pro events. At first, this experience was more of a culture shock than moving across the country. All of these young adults were offering their whole hearts to God, and while I found this to be inspiring, I felt so out of place. I remember the first time I saw a girl raise her hands in praise during a song; it truly sent a shiver down my spine as I thought I could never, ever do that - the thought of being so charismatic was completely intimidating.

I have attended Catholic school my entire life, so the discussion of God and faith was a rather regular occurrence. I was Baptized, had my First Communion and continued on to become Confirmed. I served as an altar server for 9 years, and then served as a Eucharistic Minister after Confirmation. I loved going to Catholic mass; the routine was the same every mass: we sang the same songs, recited the same prayers, went through the same motions, and every time I received the Eucharist, I felt complete again. As you can tell, I attended a very TRADITIONAL Catholic Church, so when I saw that girl raising up her arms, feeling the Spirit moving within her, I about had a heart attack. Catholics don't do that!! You get ready nice and early, put on your best Sunday dress, and then sit their quietly for an hour, only moving when it was time to stand, sit, kneel, and walk to Communion. After mass, you would say hello to your fellow Catholic school mates, get a donut and head home. No where in there were people getting up in the aisle dancing to the tune of Jesus! 

After the initial culture shock of experiencing a true Southern God - loving experience, I began to feel my faith was lacking compared to these believers. Why was I not feeling compelled by God to get up in the aisle and sing for him? Were God and I not as close as I had thought my entire life? I attended Church, did community service, went on Kairos (LT4), and even attended Catholic college...How could God and I not be close after all of that! 

I have been in North Carolina since the middle of July, so I have been experiencing about three months of doubt in my relationship with God. While I felt completely inadequate and undeserving of His love, I continued to reach out to Him, praying that one day I can feel His presence like my peers can. Thursday night is Young Pros night at Summit Church, even though I still felt uneasy, I forced myself to go. For the first time, I could feel the music a little stronger and was truly singing from the heart. I was finally feeling the connection I wanted with God and while it was truly exhilarating, it was very familiar. I realized last night that I was more concerned on comparing my relationship to what I thought it was supposed to be like, rather than focusing on what God was actually trying to tell me. I focused on my feelings - NOT on Him. God never loved me any less because I wasn't singing loud enough or dancing at Church. God loves me just the way I am and I need to remember that - like the title says: God is the real MVP!

I hope that y'all have a wonderful weekend and remember that God loves you!

- Michele

Enjoying The Season

As my first blog post, I thought this would be a perfect time to tell you a little about myself. 

I am a recent college graduate from Saint Mary's College of California (Go Gaels!) and a new resident of the wonderful state of North Carolina. The last year of my life has been a series of (good and bad) adventures, testing my will in so many unimaginable ways. These adventures are what lead me to you. As a young girl, I had every second of my adult life planned out. I would attend SMC as a biology major, find my true love, ace every course, apply and get into dental school in San Francisco, become engaged to my loving boyfriend, and live happily ever after. Reality check: I did not graduate with a biology degree (thus no dental school), I met several gentleman in college - none of which were close to true love, I am still single and no ring in my near future AT ALL, and I now live in North Carolina, not a cute loft in San Francisco. 

The move to North Carolina was exciting because I could not wait to leave all my problems back in that sunny state. I imagined my new life to be the real life Steel Magnolias with Julia Roberts. However, I quickly learned, the struggles I experienced in CA would also exist in North Carolina. For example, the boys. Southern boys still use Tinder, chivalry is a lost art, and they have strictly one thing on their mind. ( I know this does not apply to every southern gent, but I haven't been proven wrong yet.) Also, the delicious fried food and biscuits they have going on down here - LOVE THEM, however, my waist line does not. 

I don't want you to believe my move has been all that terrible, I wouldn't change this experience for anything. The one person who supported me during my time in California, has continued to shine in my current life. God. I have attended Catholic school all my life, and while I may not have appreciated it fully during those awkward high school days, I am completely grateful for every moment learning about being a Christ centered woman. I have been wanting to share my God filled experiences, just like all the Christian autobiographies I have been reading lately. But I felt my stories wouldn't be unique.There is a surplus of literature discussing how people found God and their lives will never be the same. Then last night as I laid in bed crying to God, feeling so lost and hurt by the evils in this world, I felt God compelling me to share my story. To show other 20 somethings that I too experience very raw and vulnerable moments, when I reach to God praying to be filled with His peace and knowledge. Each of our experiences are truly unique in every way and deserve to be shared. 

My hopes for this blog are to share experiences along my journey in finding God, while living a full life as a 20 something. From career searching, to relationships, to fashion and pretty things, all while maintaining a strong relationship with God. This is not only a place for my experiences to be shared, but also yours! Please please feel free to comment, send me emails - ANYTHING! I am hear to be a sounding board and to simply remind you, you're not alone!!

Until next time - 
                   
                         Michele Paulina